Some Day Days Page 9

It was Monday evening on the first day of classes when I spied Alicia B Charters, dressed in her customary browns and tweedy russets, walking ahead of me in the twilight towards the college library where we'd agreed to meet each weekday evening to study together. This was a key feature of my new study program designed to get me up to speed and up to the level I'd need get into a PhD program. The other part of this program saw my Daydreamer consigned to the top shelf of the closet, the worlds of the Terratana were lost to me, at least until the holidays. I was determined to get serious this term, and so I hurried to catch up with Ali.

  ‘Good evening to you, Ali,’ I said, falling in step beside her – breaking her daydreams and giving her a start. As usual.

  ‘Sorry, Ali. But isn't it a marvellous evening?'

  She cast me one of her guarded glances. ‘Oh, hello, Gallagher. You’re awful cheerful. Again.’

  'Well, it is great to be back and I'm ready and eager to get studying,' I replied. 'So why shouldn’t we be cheerful on this wonderful Oxford evening in...’

  '...In the full flood of our youth. Yes, I know,' She said, and with a shake of her head mumbled something that sounded like, 'A fool in love.'

  'A fool?' I asked, adding, 'Perhaps. But what can I do? It's your burden in life to steer ol'Hugh Gallagher safely through Oxford. And since I'm just a naive geek in matters of the heart, you're more or less obliged to steer me clear of the reefs of heartbreak and such as well. Noblesse oblige and all that.'

  She gave me a long glance. ‘Seriously, do I look like a girl who knows anything about love and romance? And, in any event, I rather doubt you'd care to hear my opinion. You're on your own in this one, Hugh Gallagher.’

  'This from the girl who came running to me with a waterlogged watson?' I asked.

  'Yes.' she replied without hesitation.

  As I've mentioned, I've rather kept my distance from Ali in personal matters, but I've come to realize some of her hidden depths. And despite her vague air of dreamy daze and dressing like a middle aged spinster, I suspect she knows far more about just about everything than I do. Including love and romance.

  'I'm hurt,' I sighed, and watching her closely, asked teasingly, though I was being safe too, 'You wouldn't be jealous, would you?'

  She just sighed. 'No, Gallagher, I must admit I'm not. You've failed to enthral me with all your boyish charm. Nor did resurrecting my watson do it either.'

  'Still, you've been a great pal, Ali. And since I sort of liked Selina Beri right from the beginning, it's just as well... Not that I ever thought you had any romantic interest in me, but I was sort of afraid that if I was too friendly, well, I might give you the wrong idea...' I rambled on, trying to find a way to end it.

  ‘What I guess I'm trying to do is apologize for perhaps not returning your friendship in quite full measure. I hope you'll forgive me and we can go on from here being the best of friends...’

  ‘Oh my, Gallagher! Have you just dumped me?' she exclaimed satirically. 'Oh, my, oh my. Hopefully I'll be able to get over it, someday...’.

  I gave her a hard look in the twilight.

  'Seriously, Ali. I just want to start fresh with our friendship. It has bothered me that I couldn't feel comfortable with you in some areas, and I want to change that. Really, Ali, I... If...'

  'Never mind, Giz. I'm being sarcastic, though you deserve it. We've been friends and nothing more. That's all I want. You're nice, if needy, but I'm not in the market for a man at the moment. I want a career out of uni not a husband. Nothing has changed.'

  'But it has for me. Getting to know Selina Beri means that she's no longer just a schoolboy dream now...'

  'Really?' asked Ali.

  'Well, yes, in a way. Now at least I can say she's a friend, and well, I've some reasons to hope for more...'

  'Really?' she asked again, giving me a hard look. 'I thought you were broken up...'

  'Only sort of. We both need to concentrate on our studies, and being so far apart, trying to keep up some sort of relationship would put a strain on everything,' I explained. 'You do see how it makes sense, don't you?'

  'Oh, I see how it makes sense, alright. But maybe not the way you're seeing it,' she replied. 'You've been dumped.'

  We'd reached the library steps by now, so looking around, I spied a bench and said, ‘Let's sit and talk a bit, Ali. I know you've more to say on the matter than just that. I could tell you bit your tongue the other day. And you see I'm not all upset, or anything. I do want to hear your take. I want your advice, and don't tell me again I'm on my own. I know you've an opinion, so out with it. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't at least tell me what sort of fool I am.'

  'Perhaps not. But you won't want to hear my opinion.'

  'I do, even though I know it isn't going to be one I'm going to like. But I do know I need some balance, and you'll provide it. You've a head on your shoulders and I know you see a lot more than you let on to... Besides, you're dying to tell me anyway. Now that I'm asking for your advice, I can't get mad if I don't like it.'

  She sighed. 'You're right. Let's get this out of the way now. Then we can get down to the important things, like our studies,' she said as we walked over to the bench along the walkway.

  'So you think I'm a fool?' I asked.

  'You know Beri better than I do. I know her mostly by gossip. But based on that gossip, I must say I think you're fooling yourself. She's out of your league.'

  'Well, maybe...'

  'No maybes about it. And it looks to me that she was just using you. And now that she doesn't need you, she's dumped you, as she has many other fellows. Indeed, it would seem that she's actually dumped you twice already. One after your night together...'

  'It was just an evening and we only talked...' More or less.

  'Oh, I believe you, Gallagher. I know you. I'm certain all you did was talk, if only because she was just using you for your dyary expertise.'

  'She doesn't need me and anyway, she's different now...'

  'So you say. And maybe you're right, seeing that she relented after that first time. Or perhaps, you're different from the rest of her would-be suiters. But nevertheless I'd argue that she was merely using you for her own purposes, your expertise in dyaries, and someone to hold her hand in Cambridge. I suspect that having rather neglected her old friends, she would've felt uncomfortable calling on them and you were handy and biddable,' she paused and added, 'Had enough yet?'

  'No,' I said defiantly. 'This is exactly what I want. A cool, detached view.'

  She sighed, 'What more can I say? If you're willing to go on believing there's more than utility in your relationship, there's not much more I can say.'

  'She says she's not ready for another serious relationship,' I said, 'And as I said, she's very concerned about settling in and making a success of her fellowship. She feels she has so much physics to learn to be useful. So you see, there are good – easily understandable – reasons for her actions too.'

  'Perhaps. But there are phone calls, texts and emails that would allow you to keep in touch without too much disruption in her life, if she really wanted you in it.'

  'She doesn't want any distractions. And she wants to start fresh...' I said, rather defensively. It did actually sound pretty thin saying it out loud.

  'Well then, how do you explain your charm, Gallagher? How are you different than all the rest?'

  I thought for a moment, ‘I think I'm different because I did just let her go, and was still there when she needed me. I think she knows I'm hers, loyal, loving and trustworthy – kind'a like a pet dog, I suppose. But that also means she can just be herself around me since there’s no passion on her part. On my sunny days, I can kid myself into believing that she thinks that some day she could come to love me, but not too soon...'

  'And on the darkest days?'

  'On the darkest days, I realize that I can never actually picture Selina and myself together in the real world. As you say, she’s out of my class in half a dozen categories. Our wo
rlds are very different. And really, looking ahead, I can never place her and myself in the same city for the foreseeable future. So, Ali, assuming I'm more right about her than you are, is there any hope for me?'

  She shrugged. ‘I should tell you, no. But I won’t. If only because I don’t have first-hand experience in matters of the heart, so I can't speak from any authority. However, I’ve read a lot of a romance novels and in them things always seem to work out at the end. So it'd seem anything is possible, even you and Selina Beri...'

  'You read romance novels?'

  'Don't you say another word,' she snapped. 'And promise me you'll never say a word about that to anyone else either. I don't want this getting around – it's all I need is another reason to be dismissed as some sort of woolly brained fluff...'

  I grinned.

  'Promise me Gallagher or I'll...

  I put my arm around her and pulled her close – which startled her, of course.

  ‘I’m sorry Ali,' I said, 'I’m not laughing at you or your romance books. It’s just that you always struck me as the type of girl who, well, seemed most likely to read romances. It’s rather nice to know I had you correctly pegged as a romantic creature...’

  ‘I’m hardly a romantic creature, Gallagher. I swear all the worst traits of Omar Singe have rubbed off on you...’

  'Well, those of us who know you would never confuse you with some woolly brained fluff...'

  'And cut the flattery. I want your promise this goes no further.'

  'Of course. I promise. So you read romance novels, the ones with half naked people on the covers?'

  She sighed. 'I read all sorts, from the classics to the latest eBook lists – but mostly during my holidays. I've too much work to waste time reading such trash during term...'

  'But you do read them...'

  'Just like you guys read comic books. They're silly, stupid, trashy, but addicting...’ she shook her head. 'And I tear through them...old ones, new ones, trashy, stupid, silly... read them all...’ She glanced across to me.

  I was grinning.

  ‘You're a romantic creature, Ali. And so with your vast knowledge of affairs of the heart, may I engage you my as consulting romantic? Someone who will give me a girl's insight into what's going on?’

  She gave me a look, but then shrugged, ‘As far as I can see, Gallagher, nothing's going on. But, well, I suppose I'll take your case, if only out of curiosity. It'll be like a rather lame book... Though I'll offer no guarantees. You're likely to be hurt, I fear. And, if I were you, I'd certainly question the transmitted wisdom I've acquired from reading a thousand trashy novels. So never forget all these words of advice come from trashy fiction, not real life. Take it with a great deal of salt.’

  ‘Well, it's still better that what I have to work with. So let's give it a try. What do your trashy romance novels suggest is going on here?’

  She considered me for a moment. ‘Well, first, I believe it is my duty to remind you that mathematicians, as a class, are rather notorious for their propensity to go around the bend... And if Selina Beri has any romantic interest in you at all, it's a possibility that must be considered...’

  I laughed. That’s Ali with her talons bared. And it didn't take two glasses of wine.

  ‘Then perhaps she is recovering her wits. But from your reading?’

  She closed her eyes as if examining her unseen library. ‘From what I can recall at the moment, I’d say that you’re lucky she didn't send you off to Australia to earn your fortune in the gold fields or the opal mines. I seem to recall it being quite popular in one age for the heroine to send her lover over the seas to earn his fortune and win her hand. However, making you stay in Oxford and study, can perhaps be viewed in a similar light. It keeps you out of her hair while at the same time looks to making your fortune.’

  ‘In physics? Right. So what should I do?’

  ‘You need to study, Gallagher harder than you ever have, and try to be worthy of her.’

  ‘Hmm... That sounds more like Ali B Chambers than a trashy romance novel, but well, I guess that's why I'm sitting with you now, isn't it? I was sort of hoping for some, well, more romantic ideas...’

  ‘As you have pointed out, you're broken up, so I don't see anything you can do now with romantic ideas. Indeed, I'd simply suggest that you stick with your determination to honour the terms of your agreement, at least for this first term,’ she said. ‘I’m serious. You don't want to go back to your lover without making your fortune, or its equivalent in your case. I'm certain of that. She's going places, and you'll have trouble keeping up if you don't work twice as hard as you have been.’

  I nodded. 'True enough, I suppose. But consult your library and see what other ideas you can come up with for me after this term ends.’

  ‘When I've the time. I'm sure you know I hope things work out for you...'

  'For Beri and me?'

  She shrugged. 'I don’t really have anything against Beri, except her reputation. Still, I think you’d best proceed with modest expectations and with your eyes wide open. You seem to understand that, on some level, and then just ignore it. My personal advice is simply, Don't. Be honest with yourself and face the facts. You know them. Now I believe we're here to study together. I think we should start.’

  ‘Of course. Thanks Ali. I guess we’d best be going in and getting to work. I looking forward to tackling the advanced mathematics I need to get into grad school.’

  She gave me a piercing appraisal. ‘I had not realized that the kiss of a mathematician was like the bite of a vampire.’

  I laughed. ‘I wish! Then I’d be a mathematician and would have no need to spend long evenings in the library studying mathematics, a thing that I do not seem to have any intuitive feel for.’

  'We'll find a way...' she said, getting up. 'Let's start.'

  As we headed for the library I asked, ‘Say, Ali, if you have time, maybe you can make up a reading list from your collection of romance novels that I can study from...'

  She gave me a look that cut clear through her thick glasses, 'If you want to study in that big spooky library all by yourself, just keep it up...'